Crimbo 2006: Not-too-distant-future

Finalizar la parte II de Crimbo 2006 requiere dormir en el campground, el cual aparece Next Sunday, A.D.:

You decide that now is a good time for another nap. What exactly are you doing that makes you so sleepy, anyways?

You are awakened in the middle of the nap to see three figures standing over you. Well -- two are standing, one seems to be kind of hovering. All three are dressed in black robes, but you see that one’s an average-looking white guy, one’s some kind of golden spider duck, and the hovering one appears to be a squat crimson pig.

“Hey,” the golden spider duck says. “Don’t you think you’ve spent about enough time in the present? It’s time for you to go back to the future!”

“Back to the future?” the squat crimson pig says. “s/he hasn’t even been there yet! How can you go back?”

“Beck to the future?” the average-looking guy responds. “I don’t know if that’s where it’s at.”

“Anyway,” the average-looking guy continues, “you’ve been in Crimbo right-about-now for quite a while. Why don’t you try Crimbo in the not-too-distant future? If you want to rescue Uncle Crimbo, you’d better get on the ball.”

“Some balls are held for charity,” the golden spider duck chimes in.

“Do not taunt happy fun ball,” the pig agrees.

So what you wanna do?

Al elegir MOVE ON TO THE FUTURE,

The three figures fade into the dark. One says, "when you awake, you'll be able to visit THE FUTURE!" "INDUSTRY!" shouts another. "Science and technology!" "She blinded me with..."

Aparece entonces el Crimborg Collective (suena familiar, Trekkies?)


Y ahora Crimbotown se mira así:


En Uncle Crimborg Hive

You can make:

	servomechanical torsion facilitator	1 capacitor relay 1 carbon nanotube frame
	quantum polarity inducer	1 capacitor relay 1 ion grid
	bi-lateral logic compressor	1 capacitor relay 1 Feynman gate
	computronic processing unit	1 capacitor relay 1 logic synthesizer
	reverse-oscillating klystron	1 carbon nanotube frame 1 ion grid
	sub-molecular interocitor	1 carbon nanotube frame 1 Feynman gate
	recursive spline reticulator	1 carbon nanotube frame 1 logic synthesizer
	atomic vector plotter	1 ion grid 1 Feynman gate
	ion-pulse modulation stabilizer	1 ion grid 1 logic synthesizer
	hyperbolic plasma focuser	1 Feynman gate 1 logic synthesizer

En la Crimborg Nutrition Station

En la Crimborg Collective Factory

You're fighting a Killer Festive Decal-Applying Elfbot

This is one of the killer robots from the future, (mostly) reprogrammed by the Crimborg to help make fun, futuristic toys. This robot is primarily responsible for applying decals to the new toys. All of the other elfbots tend to laugh and call it names -- I mean, being the evil killer robot that puts stickers on toys is kind of like being the big, tough space marine who runs the daycare for the kids of the other space marines. Still, it *is* a big killer robot. With stickers. *snicker.*

Ataques:

It tries to stick a decal over your nose and mouth to keep you from breathing, but applies it sticky-side up, so it just slides off you. Man, these robots aren't getting any smarter.

It stomps on you with its big metal feet. That's no mean feat, but it is a pair of mean feet. Ouch! Argh! Ouch! Ugh! Ooh!

It applies a decal to your chest and rips it off really fast. Fortunately, your chest is as hairless as a wee boy's.

It applies a decal to your feet, sticking them together. You trip and fall. Ooh! Eek! Ugh! Ugh! Eek!


Se Obtiene:

You acquire an item: carbon nanotube frame


carbon nanotube frame

This, like most interior nets, is a series of tubes. In this case, tubes made out of carbon molecules, individual tubes too small to see with the naked eye. Try not to get them tied, if you know what's good for you.

Selling Price: 10 Meat.

You're fighting a Killer Festive Weapons-Assembly Elfbot

This is one of the killer robots from the future, (mostly) reprogrammed by the Crimborg to help make fun, futuristic toys. This particular elfbot specializes in weapons assembly. He's much more efficient than the elfbot in charge of weapons dissembling, since that one just denies there're any weapons at all. Anyway, you might imagine that a robot that puts together weapons for a living has a pretty impressive arsenal, and you'd be right.

Ataques:

It pulls several triggers on several different weapons, eliciting a series of hollow *click* noises. Looks like the elfbot in charge of actually loading the weapons is on a smoke break.

It extends six or seven wiry appendages, each of which holds a different deadly weapon. You quickly find yourself dodging a hail of bullets, arrows, laserbolts, rocks, and one frightened chicken. Ooh! Ooh! Oof! Argh! Oof!

It tries to morph into another deadly shape, but gets stuck midway through the transformation.

It extrudes a liquid-metal sharp pointy thing and stabs you in the head. Ow! Ouch! Ow! Ugh! Eek!

It tries to crush you in its calipers, but you don't wanna be crushed, buried in fear, or left for töt.

It crushes your thigh in its calipers. That's gonna leave a mark. Happy Crimbo! Oof! Eek! Ouch! Ugh! Ouch!

It crushes your bung in its calipers. That's gonna leave a mark. Happy Crimbo! Ouch! Eek! Eek! Oof! Oof!


Se Obtiene:

You acquire an item: capacitor relay

You acquire an item: Feynman gate

Feynman gate

This is a gate made from two Billiard Ball Model gates. It's really complicated, but it boils down to somehow being able to play two games of pool simultaneously without the balls from set A colliding with set B. Somehow, that makes computers work...more...better. Yeah.

Selling Price: 10 Meat.

You're fighting Rudolphus of Crimborg

"The knowledge and experience of the reindeer, Rudolph the Red, is part of us now. It has prepared us for all possible courses of action."

So it looks like Rudolph the Red finally got his wish -- a society in which everyone is equal, each working together for the good of the whole. He probably imagined it as more "utopian society" and less "beehive," but it's no good nitpicking.

Ataques:

He stops attacking to deliver a long-winded diatribe about the evils of capitalism and the joys of socialism. Man, not even assimilation by a robotic hive-mind can shut this guy up.

He starts to smack you with a hoof, but his system crashes and he has to reboot. Rehoof?

He smacks you upside the noggin with one cybernetically enhanced hoof. Ouch! Oof! Oof! Argh! Ooh!

He rears up and beats you about the head and neck with his cybernetically enhanced hooves. You might not have thought it was possible to overclock a set of hooves, but you'd be wrong. Oof! Ugh! Oof! Oof! Eek!

He gores you with his cybernetically enhanced antlers. You get poked and shocked at the same time. Argh! Ouch! Argh! Oof! Argh!

He targets you with his laser optical implant, then decides to opt for non-violent protest.

He targets you with his laser optical implant, then chomps you with his cybernetically enhanced teeth. Ow! Ouch! Ugh! Ugh! Ouch!

He gores you with his cybernetically enhanced antlers. You get poked and shocked at the same time. Ow! Eek! Ooh! Argh! Ooh!

He rears up and beats you about the head and neck with his cybernetically enhanced hooves. You might not have thought it was possible to overclock a set of hooves, but you'd be wrong. Ugh! Ouch! Eek! Ooh! Eek!

He smacks you upside the noggin with one cybernetically enhanced hoof. Oof! Argh! Ow! Ugh! Ooh!

He plugs something into your skull and downloads the entire works of Karl Marx. Your brain boggles. Oof! Ow! Ouch! Oof!

He tries to assimilate you, but you're too iconoclastic to be assimilated.

Se obtiene:

You acquire an item: carbon nanotube frame

You acquire an item: high-resistance ultrapolymer plating

You're fighting a Killer Festive Laser-Calibrating Elfbot

This is one of the killer robots from the future, (mostly) reprogrammed by the Crimborg to help make fun, futuristic toys. This particular robot is in charge of calibrating the lasers. That may not seem like an important job, but a well-calibrated laser is the difference between a laser-powered beard trimmer and a laser-powered self-decapitation device.

Ataques:

It tries to morph into another deadly shape, but gets stuck midway through the transformation.

It tries to crush you in its calipers, but you don't wanna be crushed, buried in fear, or left for töt.

It crushes your kidney in its calipers. That's gonna leave a mark. Happy Crimbo! Oof! Eek! Ugh! Argh! Eek!

It extrudes a liquid-metal sharp pointy thing and stabs you in the ankle. Ooh! Ow! Eek! Ow! Ow!

It tries to fire a laser blast from its eyes, but is hauled away by a big, hairy, redneck sherrif and his dumb, scrawny partner. No more laserblasting for you, young man.

It fires at you with its gun arm, but misses. Looks like it hasn't calibrated its targeting lasers.

It fires a couple of rounds at you from his gun arm. Looks like it *is* a gun, and is not superman. Happy Crimbo! Argh! Ugh! Ow! Eek! Ow!

Se Obtiene:

You're fighting a Killer Festive Arc-Welding Elfbot

This is one of the killer robots from the future, (mostly) reprogrammed by the Crimborg to help make fun, futuristic toys. This particular robot is in charge of arc-welding. He puts together all the Joans. Never mind, that was a pretty lousy joke. But let's not dwell on it, because there's a killer robot with an arc welder coming at you, and it doesn't look happy.

Ataques:

It stomps toward you, welder held high, but suddenly the tip of the welder goes dark. The elfbot looks back, embarrassed, and sees the cord has come unplugged.

It tries to weld a dog to your face, but you back away, thoroughly skeeved out.

It tries to stomp on you with its big metal feet, but you find it a trivial feat to dodge them.

It crushes your giblets in its calipers. That's gonna leave a mark. Happy Crimbo! Oof! Ouch! Ouch! Oof! Argh!

It welds your nipple to your kidney. At least it didn't weld a dog to your face or anything. Happy Crimbo! Eek! Ooh! Ow! Ugh! Eek!

It extrudes a liquid-metal sharp pointy thing and stabs you in the lower back. Argh! Ugh! Eek! Ugh! Oof!

It extrudes a liquid-metal sharp pointy thing and stabs you in the face. Ooh! Ouch! Ugh! Ouch! Ow!

Se obtiene:

You acquire an item: carbon nanotube frame

You acquire an item: capacitor relay

capacitor relay

This is a capacitor that is in charge of passing the baton to another capacitor in a capacitor race. If you want a more scientific description than that, you'll have to belay that capacitor relay request.

Selling Price: 10 Meat.

You acquire an item: high-resistance ultrapolymer plating

high-resistance ultrapolymer plating

This multi-functional plating is highly resistant to just about anything: the weather, ballistic impact, puncture, commitment, and change. Plus it has a pleasant sheen (almost to "charlie" levels), is lightweight, and makes julienne fries.

Just kidding about the fries.

Selling Price: 10 Meat.

You acquire an item: ion grid

ion grid

This is an ion grid, not an ion griddle. The latter is useful if you're cooking up a big batch of ozone pancakes, but not for much else. The ion grid, however, can be put to a variety of mysterious scientific purposes. So long as it avoids the dreaded ion gridlock.

Selling Price: 10 Meat.

You acquire an item: flask of peppermint oil

flask of peppermint oil

This is a metal flask full of caustic, aggressively minty-fresh peppermint oil. It's, like, the blood of a hundred candy canes. Or what mouthwash drinks to get fresher breath. Either way, I don't recommend drinking it, unless you're looking to ventilate your esophagus.

(Cocktailcrafting ingredient)
Type: beverage
Cannot be traded
Cannot be discarded
Quest Item