The f'c'le

Al ganar la pelea de insultos, se tiene acceso a The F'c'le

The Obligatory Pirate's Cove

Back to the Mysterious Island of Mystery

You're fighting a cleanly pirate

This pirate is obsessed with hygiene and grooming. His fingernails are always dirt-free, his hair always neatly washed and combed, and his skin scrubbed to ruddy perfection. He'd stand out in any crowd of people, but on a filthy pirate vessel he's like a gold tooth in a vat of motor oil.

It's rumored, incidentally, that his obsession with cleanliness comes from always playing second fiddle to his childhood friend, the godly pirate.

You get the jump on him.

Swabbie™ swab

This is a small cotton swab designed to clean out the ears of pirates. Why do you need a special swab for that? Well, it's got a specially curved handle so it doesn't get caught on earrings, and it's got a little piece of carrot on one end to distract any parrots that might be on you shoulder while you're cleaning out your ears.

Type: usable
Selling Price: 35 Meat.

You're fighting a creamy pirate

This pirate is practically smothered in various creams. He slathers on various unguents for everything from dry skin to missing limbs. No one knows why he does it -- maybe he was born under a bad sign. He usually spends his time hanging out in a white room with black curtains, far from the sunshine of your love, but today he's passing the time on the pirate ship before he dances the night away.

You get the jump on him.

creamsicle

This is a pirate popsicle you pirated from a pirate. One end of the stick says "What does a pirate put on toast?" You'll have to eat the popsicle to read the answer.

Type: food
Level required: 3
Selling Price: 55 Meat.

Oil of Parrrlay

"Parrrlay" is a special pirate term for a meeting where two hostile pirate parties can talk things over peaceably, without all the maiming and killing that usually would ensue. This oil, according to the label, "be as smooth and soothing as a good parrrlay. If ye rubs it on your face first thing in the mornin', ye'll be ready for whatever the unforgiving sea should throw at ye."

Type: usable
Selling Price: 55 Meat.

ball polish

You giggle as you read the back of this tube of cream: "Apply liberally to balls. Rub balls vigorously until desired level of shininess is achieved, being careful not to break balls with excessive force. To avoid sticky balls, remove all excess polish with a damp cloth when finished."

Type: usable
Cannot be traded
Cannot be discarded
Quest Item

cream stout

This is a bottle of creamy, thick beer. You're not sure what makes it "stout." Maybe it's just warning you that you'll get fat if you drink too many of them. I mean, it's pretty much a liquid loaf of bread.

Type: booze
Level required: 3
Selling Price: 55 Meat.

You're fighting a clingy pirate

As you wander the deck of the pirate ship, a female pirate walks up and grabs you by the arm. "There you are, honey!" she says.

"Yup, here I am," you reply, "and I really should be continuing this quest, so I'll just --"

She tightens her grip. "Where are you going? How long will you be gone? I'll miss you! Do you have your cell phone with you? Don't look at any other pirates, okay?"

You make another attempt to pry her off of your arm, and she bursts into tears. "I see how you are! You just aren't invested in this relationship, are you?"

"What relationshi-- ow!"

You get the jump on her.

bit of clingfilm

This is a bit of clingfilm -- a translucent unit of joy glinting softly in the moonlight. Who knows what happy purpose you might put it to? Perhaps a turtle.

Type: usable
Selling Price: 60 Meat.
Cannot be traded

You're fighting a chatty pirate

So, the other day I was standing here on the ship, looking out at the ocean, and then another pirate walked up and looked at the ocean with me for a while, and then he walked away. Then I went down to the galley and ate lunch -- it was nothing fancy, just some hardtack and grog -- I wonder why they call it hardtack, anyway? I guess it's hard because it's dehydrated, but I'm not sure where the 'tack' part comes from. Anyway, I finished lunch, then I went upstairs and stared at the ocean some more, and then...

You get the jump on him.

You're fighting a curmudgeonly pirate

This pirate wants you to get off of his lawn, even though there isn't a lawn on the ship, as far as you can see. He's also not fond of the hippity-hoppity music you kids today are listening to, and wishes to remind you that when he was your age, he knew how to respect his elders.

He's the ship's janitor, so he spends most of the day leaning on a mop and saying "back in my day," to anyone who will listen.

You get the jump on him.