Combat!
 | You're fighting The Naughty Sorceress (3) |
"Dang it!" you shout. "How many times do I have to kill you? This battle has taken over a half an hour and there's no save point!""Ha! You will never defeat me!" The Sorceress cackles. There is a muffled *POP* and a slightly greasy smell as the apparition vanishes and is replaced by a nasty-looking floating sausage.
The sausage PELTS YOU WITH MYSTERY MEAT. You were never sure what was in a knob sausage, and you don't want to find out. Fortunately, your Wand of Nagamar glows brightly and the attack dissippates, leaving an EPHEMERAL, TWISTY, MUSTY TOY.
It writhes in the air, exuding a stale smell and flickering in and out of existence. Finally, it winks out altogether, leaving only the scent of mold in its wake.
The sausage attacks you with a BARRAGE OF CONDIMENTS. You mustard up the courage to wave your Wand of Nagamar, which glows brightly. The barrage disappears, and in its place you see a GRAND FABRIC MOOSE NET.
The net hangs in the air, seeking out moose to entrap. When it doesn't see any around, it vanishes.
The sausage spins around, casting an enormously powerful sausage spell: the dreaded KINGDOM BANE FISHLOB. Rotten fish fly through the air toward you.
You grit your teeth, curl your lip, and wave your Wand of Nagamar one last time. Reality bends and twists around you as you are nearly blown backwards by the Wand's power. A FAMISHED KNOB GOBLIN appears where the flying fish had been.
He walks over to the sausage and devours it in three bites, then wanders back towards Cobb's Knob.
"Wow, that was anticlimactic," you think. But the sorceress has been defeated and the way to the imprismed king is clear.
You win the fight!You gain 111 Fortitude.You gain 132 Wizardliness.
You gain 257 Smarm.
posted by UngaMan at 5:10 p. m.
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You're fighting The Naughty Sorceress (3)
"Dang it!" you shout. "How many times do I have to kill you? This battle has taken over a half an hour and there's no save point!"
"Ha! You will never defeat me!" The Sorceress cackles. There is a muffled *POP* and a slightly greasy smell as the apparition vanishes and is replaced by a nasty-looking floating sausage.
The sausage shoots a STREAM OF HOT GREASE at you. You duck, remembering all those times you used to fry bacon in the nude. Fortunately, the Wand of Nagamar glows brightly and the stream becomes a THREE FOOT MASSAGER.
It massages both of your feet, then buzzes off into the gloaming looking for another foot to massage.
The sausage spins around in the air, casting a powerful sausage spell. a FONT OF MEAT GRINDERS appears and spews nasty, metallic death your way.
You wave your Wand of Nagamar and the font disappears, replaced by a SOFT FRIDGE ORNAMENT. It bounces harmlessly off your left elbow and falls to the floor.
The sausage grows a couple of fins made out of questionable meat and animal intestine. It begins to pound the ground with a LETHAL TWIN FIN BEAT.
"This ends now," you say, hoping you sound tougher than you think you do. You squint your eyes and purposefully wave your Wand of Nagamar.
Reality bites, then shifts and twists around you. You're blown backwards by the force of the wand's magic and the sausage's counterattacks. You wave the wand once more and WIN THE FINAL BATTLE.
You pull yourself off the ground and look around. The sausage has vanished, and with it the last threat to the Kingdom. Your way to the imprismed king is now clear.
You win the fight!
You gain 131 Strengthliness.
You gain 223 Wizardliness.
You gain 146 Chutzpah.
You're fighting The Naughty Sorceress (3)
"Dang it!" you shout. "How many times do I have to kill you? This battle has taken over a half an hour and there's no save point!"
"Ha! You will never defeat me!" The Sorceress cackles. There is a muffled *POP* and a slightly greasy smell as the apparition vanishes and is replaced by a nasty-looking floating sausage.
The sausage shoots a GEYSER OF HOT GREASE at you. You cower, but your Wand of Nagamar glows brightly and a SAFER HOT GEESE GYRO appears.
You don't usually like goose meat, but the gyro's pretty tasty.
The sausage hiccups, belches, and sends a WAVE OF GASTRIC DISTRESS at you. It's more pleasant than a wave of mutilation, but only barely. You wave your Wand of Nagamar and reality shifts.
A group of REACTIVATED SWISS FROGS appears on the floor in front of you. They hop around croaking with a swiss accent for a while, then hop off to find a neutral swamp
The sausage vibrates with fury, and screeches the words to an ancient and forbidden spell. Your knees start to buckle as a HEARTBREAKING TOFU MOUSSE appears through a tear in reality. The crushing weight of hippie ennui is almost overpowering...
Suddenly, the Wand of Nagamar glows brightly, and you stand up straight with new-found resolve: to NUKE THE SAUSAGE FROM ORBIT. After all, it's the only way to be sure.
After the radioactive dust settles, your way to the King is clear.
You win the fight!
You gain 249 Strongness.
You gain 215 Mysteriousness.
You gain a Mysticality point!
You gain 110 Sarcasm.
Nuevamente!!!!
You're fighting The Naughty Sorceress (3)
"Dang it!" you shout. "How many times do I have to kill you? This battle has taken over a half an hour and there's no save point!"
"Ha! You will never defeat me!" The Sorceress cackles. There is a muffled *POP* and a slightly greasy smell as the apparition vanishes and is replaced by a nasty-looking floating sausage.
The sausage THROWS BONE FRAGMENTS AT YOU. Your Wand of Nagamar glows brightly and you hear a SONG FROM NEWT BATHERS. The lilting melodies of washer-women cleaning small amphibians soothes and delights you.
The sausage hiccups, belches, and sends a WAVE OF GASTRIC DISTRESS at you. It's more pleasant than a wave of mutilation, but only barely. You wave your Wand of Nagamar and reality shifts.
A group of REACTIVATED SWISS FROGS appears on the floor in front of you. They hop around croaking with a swiss accent for a while, then hop off to find a neutral swamp
The sausage forms a vestigial mouth and chants an evil incantation, summoning a dreaded elder god from outside the reaches of time and space. For reasons unknown, in this dimension it takes the form of A COHERENT NYLON BEE. "I say," it says. "I do believe I shall have to rip your entrails from your body."
Suddenly, the Wand of Nagamar glows brilliantly, and a katana forged of pure white light appears in mid-air!
With a single swing, the sword simultaneously decapitates the bee and slices the malovent sausage into luncheon meat. THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE!
You quickeningly make your way to the prism that holds the king.
You win the fight!
You gain 128 Fortitude.
You gain a Muscle point!
You gain 118 Enchantedness.
You gain a Mysticality point!
You gain 254 Roguishness.
You gain a Moxie point!
You're fighting The Naughty Sorceress (3)
"Dang it!" you shout. "How many times do I have to kill you? This battle has taken over a half an hour and there's no save point!"
"Ha! You will never defeat me!" The Sorceress cackles. There is a muffled *POP* and a slightly greasy smell as the apparition vanishes and is replaced by a nasty-looking floating sausage.
The sausage fires a BEAM OF DARK ENERGY at you. Your Wand of Nagamar begins to glow brightly. The BEAM OF DARK ENERGY becomes a BAKED FERRY GNOME.
"What's up, dude? Do you gneed to cross the river, dude?" The gnome looks around through bloodshot eyes. "Wait, where am I?" he says, and wanders off.
The sausage spins around in the air, casting a powerful sausage spell. a FONT OF MEAT GRINDERS appears and spews nasty, metallic death your way.
You wave your Wand of Nagamar and the font disappears, replaced by a SOFT FRIDGE ORNAMENT. It bounces harmlessly off your left elbow and falls to the floor.
The sausage spins around, casting a powerful sausage spell. An army of GREASE-SATED YOUTHS emerges from a tear in the fabric of reality and runs toward you, brandishing toasting forks and skewers.
You curl your lip, grip your Wand of Nagamar, and DESTROY THE SAUSAGE.
There is a sudden ghastly silence.
There is a sudden ghastly noise.
There is a sudden ghastly silence.
The sausage explodes in an impressive display of greasy pyrotechnics. The army of grease-sated youths falls into the rift in space-time caused by the sausage's destruction.
You win the fight!
You gain 144 Fortitude.
You gain 111 Magicalness.
You gain 368 Cheek.
You gain a Moxie point!
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