En el Vallhalla

CONTEMPLANDO EL INFINITO... Kind of Boring...

Results:You're sitting quietly on a cloud, trying to meditate, when you hear a strange metallic noise. You look over at the cloud next to you, and see a little bald kid in a robe, tying a spork in a knot. With his mind.

"Hey, kid," you say, "how are you doing that?"

"First, there was the Tao," he replies sagely. "From the Tao came forth the Server. From the Server came forth the Database. And from the Database came ten thousand things."

"...What?"

"When you realize the truth, you will see that there is no spork. It is the mind that bends."

"Your mind's pretty bent all right, kid."

---*...*---

Results:You wander around contemplating the infinite. Blah, blah, drop in the ocean of eternity, blah blah sands in the hourglass, blah blah. You see a robed, hooded figure off in the near-infinite distance and hustle over to catch up with him. It turns out to be the personification of Death. You get a little dizzy looking at him/her -- he/she switches between a robed, hooded bald guy, a robed, hooded skeleton, and a hot goth girl.

"GREETINGS." It says. "WOULD YOU LIKE TO PLAY A GAME? MAYBE SOME CHESS? OR PARCHEESI? ANYTHING BUT TWISTER. I SUCK AT TWISTER."

"No thanks," you respond, edging away. "I'm just contemplating the infinite."

"AH, YES," it says. "I'VE SEEN THE INFINITE. IT'S BLUE."

You look around. "It doesn't look blue to me..."

"TRUST ME," it says. "FROM THE OUTSIDE, IT'S BLUE."

"But you can't get outside the infinite... it's, y'know... infinite."

Death stares at you from empty eye sockets, blue eyes rimmed with eyeliner, and brown bloodshot eyes. "HAVE IT YOUR WAY. SO, WANNA PLAY SOME BATTLESHIP?"

You manage to sink Death's battleship in a modicum of eternal time. Silly blue-infinite-espousing personification of a natural force.

---*...*---

Results:You wander around Valhallalala contemplating the infinite. The best you can come up with is it's really, really big. As you contemplate adding another "really" to your assessment, you happen upon a group of shades passing around some kind of burning tube full of weeds.

"'Sup, dude?" One of them says.

"Oh, y'know, just contemplating the infinite," you say.

"Gets pretty boring, doesn't it, man?"

"Well, y'know..."

"Here, man." The shade passes you the burning tube. "Suck on this for a second. You just need to narrow your perceptions for a while. This'll get your head in a totally finite, mundane space, dude."

You take the tube and inhale some of the smoke.

Things... change.

You're fighting a fiendish can of asparagus

In the Haunted Pantry, you're attacked by a fiendish can of asparagus. Cans of asparagus aren't normally all that scary, but this one's got a knife!

You get the jump on it.

You hit for 6 damage. BONK! SOCKO! BIFF!

You win the fight!

You gain 5 Meat.

You gain 1 Beefiness.

---*...*---

Results:You wander around contemplating the infinite. You figure out that it's neverending, eternal, and also really really large. You crack a yawn as you think about how infinite it is yet again.

A fellow shade approaches you and hands you a black ball with the infinity symbol on its side. "Here," he says. "This'll help you in your contemplation."

You toss the infinity ball around for a while and notice it has a little window on its back. You look into it and see a message: "My Sources Say Yes."

What could it mean? You look into the window again and see "Concentrate and Ask Again Later."

You concentrate as hard as you can and then check the window again. "My Sources Say No."

You decide the best way to use this ball to contemplate the infinite is to chuck it as hard as you can, and contemplate that no matter how far it flies, it will be no closer to the edge of infinity.

---*...*---